I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
