he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
