I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
