It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
