You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
