i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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