Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
