Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
