my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
