Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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