So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize