dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
