I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
