Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so let's talk penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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