i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
