What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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