Your mouth is God's brothel.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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