they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
