I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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