I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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