I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
