This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
