...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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