First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
