I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
time to smoke my breakfast
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
