im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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