just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
