We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
