So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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