I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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