Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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