Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
