people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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