you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
