Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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