he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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