Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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