not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
