I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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