Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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