The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
