I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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