Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
