Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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