Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
