I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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