tell your sister to shave her snatch
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
