so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
