Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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