It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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