If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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