hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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