Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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