cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
