she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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