Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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