you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
