why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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